Jeff Taylor

Have I Got a Deal for You!

An Engineer's Life

June / July 2005 By: Jeff Taylor Volume 3 Number 3

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I'm an engineer. Engineers are neither movers nor shakers. We're doers. I recently had the opportunity to attend Technology Ventures Corporation's New Mexico Equity Capital Symposium in Albuquerque. I've never seen so much moving and shaking in one room in my entire life. And I haven't seen so many suits in one room since I mistakenly wandered into a morticians convention in Reno.
Fortunately, the suits in Albuquerque appeared to be the single-owner kind and in Reno, the term "movers and shakers" never entered my mind. Go figure.

Everyone I saw had a smile and a friendly hello. Could it be because they thought I had a fanny pack filled with cash to invest in their new idea? Or maybe they thought I had the new idea that could quadruple their investment in a year or two. It was a little unsettling at first. I'm used to electronics product shows where the engineers avoid eye contact out of fear that it might be interpreted as a show of aggression.

Or perhaps it might become an opportunity for a hungry salesman to cut an unsuspecting engineer from the safety of the herd, then attempt to wear him down with product brochures and line cards until the poor soul is barely able to recite Ohm's Law. That's when the salesman moves in for the kill: "When can I drop by your office for a demonstration?" This was very different. As I made my way through the room, I was filled with a warm, comforting euphoria brought on by the knowledge that everyone I met had sincere concern for the well-being of my venture capital. It was quite refreshing.

I met several engineers at the symposium. Actually, they said they used to be engineers. That was before they crossed over to the dark side. Now they're CEOs and CTOs and vacant of all that is good and pure in engineers. They're now more concerned with bottom lines than with transmission lines. Who needs a flow chart when you can stand back and admire a steeply sloped projected revenue chart? And don't get me started on free-body diagrams! Not to worry though. Engineers are a dime a dozen, although I'm sure there are many CFOs who would argue that point.

I really enjoyed the presentations. Most speakers had great knowledge of their product and great passion for their field. After several presentations I detected a pattern and I believe I've assembled an algorithm that reliably describes the format and components of a convincing proposition. First, introduce yourself, your company and your product or service. At this point you can insert a joke or amusing anecdote, but only if you're good at telling jokes or amusing anecdotes. Next, describe how your product or service will be irresistibly attractive to everyone in your market niche. Then tell the audience how much of their money you want, who and what you'll spend it on, and how fast you'll spend it. Then finish up with an optimistically aggressive return on investment schedule, your exit strategy, and (optionally, see above) another joke.

So, following that formula, here is my pitch:

Hello. I'm Jeff Taylor, CEO, CTO and chief scientist of Jeff Taylor Enterprises. I'm going to talk to you today about the Screen Saver Saver. I just flew in from Boise and, boy, are my arms tired! It's becoming more and more obvious to computer users that their costly screen savers have a limited lifetime as today's faster processors cause more wear and tear on them. The JTE Screen Saver Saver periodically jiggles the mouse to prevent the screen saver from being activated. This will appeal to everyone with a computer and a mouse. I'm seeking $5 million to hire my wife as CFO and to build a manufacturing facility. Your investment will be spent over the first seven months, with positive cash flow at the end of Year Two, when we expect sales to be between $17 and $59 million. Sometime in the middle one-third of Year Three, we expect to be acquired by a manufacturer of a complementary product, such as the Eye-Safe Push-Pin Remover or So-Easy Paperclip Detangler.

If you've got money, feel free to contact me.

Jeff Taylor, who claims to be an engineer, works for Applied Technology Associates in Albuquerque.